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  THE AMBER PHOTOGRAPH

  THE AMBER PHOTOGRAPH

  Copyright © 2001 Penelope J . Stokes.

  Published by WestBow Press, a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc.,

  P.O. Box 141000, Nashville, Tennessee 37214.

  WestBow Press books may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fundraising, or sales promotional use. For information, please email [email protected].

  All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

  This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher.

  All poetry in The Amber Photograph is the original work of the author and may not be used without permission.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Stokes, Penelope J .

  The amber photograph : a novel / Penelope Stokes,

  p. cm.

  ISBN 1-5955-4052-0 (repak)

  ISBN 0-8499-4283-7 (hardcover)

  ISBN 0-8499-3722-1 (trade paper)

  I. Title.

  PS3569.T6219 A79 2001

  813'.54—dc21

  2001017799

  Printed in the United States of America

  05 06 07 08 09 BTY 5 4 3 2 1

  Contents

  Prologue

  Part 1

  1. The Intruder

  2. The Dreamer

  3. The Photograph

  4. The Visitation

  5. Daddy's Girl

  6. Sugarbear's Treasure

  7. Truth in the Inward Parts

  Part 2

  8. The Artist

  9. Blindness and Sight

  10. Sam Houston

  11. The Sculpture

  12. Father Susan

  13. Road Trip

  14. The Tackiest Place in America

  15. Flat, Empty Spaces

  16. Badlands and Black Hills

  17. An Image Trapped in Stone

  18. The Shepherd and the Lamb

  19. Murder of the Soul

  20. The Plan

  Part 3

  21. Holding On

  22. The Colonel

  23. Plan B

  24. Occidental Discovery

  25. Soul Aflame

  26. The Guardian

  27. First Contact

  28. Family Matters

  29. Counting the Cost

  30. Plan C

  31. Gifts from the Ashes

  32. Homecoming

  33. Too Many Questions

  34. The Brutal Truth

  Part 4

  35. The Sacrifice

  36. Out of the Depths

  37. If It Takes Forever

  38. The Mayor's Memorial

  39. The People's Court

  40. A Question of Guilt

  41. Strange Justice

  42. A Sure and Certain Hope

  43. Holy Saturday

  44. Sacred Promises

  45. The Moment of Truth

  46. Sanctuary

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  Prologue

  "Twirl me around, Sissy!"

  Recklessly they twirled, the two of them, hands linked together. "Spin me faster! Faster!" The older girl, nearly grown, threw her head back and laughed in childlike abandonment as the young one lifted her feet from the earth and began to soar.

  "We're flying, Sissy! We're flying!"

  And fly they did, until it seemed as if all movement suspended and only the world around them kept whirling.

  At last, exhausted and breathless, they flung themselves to the ground and lay silent on the soft summer grass, watching the sky circle above them. The great blue dome, split into wedges by tree branches overhead, reeled down to stillness like the big prize wheel at the county fair. Slower, slower, until the universe ground to a halt and righted itself. . .

  She jerked awake, her breathing heavy and labored. Without the briefest moment of internal prodding, she recalled every vivid detail of the dream. She knew it by heart, had dreamed it a thousand times in the past twenty years. Even in daylight, the image hovered at the edges her mind, a misplaced photograph in sepia and amber tones, urging her to turn the page of some unseen album and remember it all.

  But she could not remember.

  And none of it made sense. This vision was no nightmare—it was a benign likeness of two happy youngsters, a joyful image—perhaps even a benediction. Still, something about it gnawed at her, tore at her soul. She always awoke in tears, vaguely aware of a nameless emptiness, a black void, a vast yawning chasm that threatened to swallow her whole.

  She could not let it go. Despite the pain, she clutched the dream with the determination of a child, drawing it close the way she held her pillow for comfort, weeping until the dream itself grew damp and cold against her cheek.

  It was all she had left of her sister.

  Part 1

  The Spinning Dream

  Dreams, like faith,

  arise from deep within and far beyond us.

  We hold to them

  no firmer than we grasp the dawn

  or anchor ourselves to wind.

  Dreams, like faith, escape us,

  and yet the gift,

  hidden where only the hear t can find it,

  still remains.

  1

  The Intruder

  HEARTSPRING, NORTH CAROLINA

  APRIL 1995

  Cecilia McAlister held her breath against the agonizing stab that shot through her. She shifted in the velvet chaise and tried to sit upright. When the pain subsided, she straightened the afghan and lay back on the pillows, breathing heavily. The slightest movement was a monumental effort now; just getting from the bed to the chaise could sap her energy for half a day.

  Still, she was determined not to give in. The hospital bed—that hideous metal monster with its electronic controls, brought into this room eight months ago and installed in the corner—was her coffin. If she stayed there, she would die; she was certain of it. As long as she could get up and move to the chaise, have Vesta fix her hair and put on a little makeup, wear a nice bed jacket, hold a book on her lap, she might fend off the Intruder for a little while longer. It was a futile deception, but at least for the time being she might fool Death into believing he still had a fight on his hands.

  Her breath came a little easier, and Cecilia looked around what once had been the music room of the massive house. What echoes this room held, with its grand piano and big bay windows looking over the garden. Memories of singing and laughter and voices calling her name. When she sat like this, with her back to the hospital bed, she could almost believe things were now as they once had been. She could see flowers blooming beyond the patio and watch spring storms building over the mountain vistas beyond. From the very beginning, this one room had been her refuge, her sanctuary, the single corner of the world where she felt alive and whole and—

  She could barely think the word: normal. Nothing had been normal for years. And now, facing the inevitable repossession of her soul, Cecilia was forced to consider what might have been, if only she had claimed the power, years ago, to say "no" to her husband. No to his grandiose dreams, his ambition. No to his vision of what their life should be. No to—well, to a lot of things.

  But no one—not even a wife—said "no" to Duncan McAlis
ter. When he had built this house thirty years ago, he had claimed he was doing it for her—a doting husband giving the wife he loved a grand home.

  But she knew the truth then as she knew it now—this house had never been built for her. It was Duncan McAlister's giant billboard, a huge, hulking "I-told-you-so" to all the people in his past who had called him a nobody, the good-for-nothing son of an alcoholic and abusive father.

  Well, he had done it. He was rich. He was Somebody. A real estate mogul. Mayor of one of the Top Ten Small Towns in America. An icon. An idol. There was even talk of erecting a statue in his honor on the neatly trimmed town square.

  Her husband had proved himself, Cecilia mused. But what had become of the man she had married, the gentle, wounded, compassionate boy who haunted her memories? Had he ever really existed, or had he only been a product of fantasy and imagination and wishful thinking?

  She willed the question away. She didn't have enough years left—or enough energy—to answer all of life's dilemmas. You couldn't pull every loose thread, or the whole thing would unravel.

  Death had a way of bringing life into focus, of distilling out peripheral concerns and leaving you with pure, undiluted, pristine truth. A truth that had to be spoken—now, quickly, while there was still time.

  A line from Keats wandered through her drug-fogged mind: Truth is beauty; beauty, truth . . .

  Cecilia shook her head. It sounded high and noble, such poetry, but until you had everything stripped away and were left with nothing but your last gasping breaths and a world centered in pain, you couldn't begin to imagine how infernally ugly reality could be.

  The truth might set you free, but first it would drag you through hell and back.

  2

  The Dreamer

  A narrow shaft of sunlight pierced the slit between the closed curtains and invaded Diedre McAlister's left eye. Groaning, she threw one arm over her face, but there was no escaping it. The shaft of light pierced through until she could see the road map of blood-red vessels silhouetted against the thin flesh of her eyelids.

  She rolled toward the wall and pulled the covers up higher. It was no use. Sleep might offer a few blessed hours of respite, of welcome oblivion, but morning always came again, bringing with it pain. Duty. Worry. Responsibility. A mother dying by inches from the ravages of cancer. Ubiquitous reminders of the fact that Diedre was losing, one tortured breath at a time, the person she loved most in the universe.

  It was too much for a twenty-four-year-old to bear.

  Then she remembered. Today was her birthday. She was twenty-five. Twenty-five going on seventy, if the weariness in her body were any indication.

  She heard the creak of hinges as the bedroom door opened, the scrabbling of toenails against the hardwood floor. A leap, a thump, and then a series of joyous canine grunts. Diedre caught a whiff of dog breath and felt a warm tongue licking her cheek and ear.

  She groaned again, opened her eyes, and struggled to a sitting position. "All right, Sugarbear; take it easy, girl. I'm getting up."

  The dog pawed playfully at the covers and thrust her muzzle under Diedre's hand, and Diedre felt a rush of warmth well up in her. A shelter pup, primarily a mix of cocker and Lhasa, Sugarbear was the original dumb blonde—not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but intensely loving and loyal. And despite the abuse and neglect heaped upon her by her previous owners, the beast was blessed with a disposition that made Pollyanna look like a curmudgeon. She had been with them for ten years, and no matter what Diedre's emotional state, she could always count on Sugarbear to make her smile. Prozac with paws.

  The bedroom door opened a little farther, and a seamed and wrinkled brown face peered around the doorjamb. "You awake, honey?"

  "I am now." Diedre propped the pillows against the headboard, moved Sugarbear to one side, and motioned Vesta Shelby to enter the room. Vesta had been with the McAlisters for ages, and Diedre adored her. To a little girl who had grown up as an only child, Vesta represented an eternal, apparently inexhaustible source of unconditional love and uncritical acceptance.

  The stooped old woman pushed her way into the room bearing a tray loaded with scrambled eggs, bacon, and-Diedre's favorite-French toast made from cinnamon challah bread.

  "What's all this?"

  "It's your birthday breakfast, of course." Vesta set the tray on Diedre's lap and eased into a small chair that sat next to the bed. "Surely you didn't think your old Vesta would forget your birthday."

  "To tell the truth, I wish people would forget. I don't exactly feel like celebrating."

  "You don't mean that, honey. Just 'cause your mama's sick don't mean you stop livin'."

  "How is Mama this morning?"

  "'Bout the same, I reckon. Eat your breakfast, now, before it gets cold."

  "Maybe I should—" Diedre pushed back the quilt and started to get up.

  "You can't make her well by worryin'," Vesta said firmly. "I took her medicine to her an hour ago. She'll sleep for a while yet. Now, eat."

  Diedre relented, transferring half the eggs onto the French toast plate and rearranging the breakfast to accommodate two. "You are going to help me eat all this, aren't you?"

  Vesta pulled the chair in closer and accepted the plate Diedre held out in her direction. "I can't hardly believe my baby is twenty-five years old."

  "I haven't been a baby for some time, Vesta."

  The old woman smiled and winked at her. "You'll always be my baby. You should know that by now." She raised a warning finger toward the dog. "Get off the bed, Sugarbear," she commanded in her sternest voice. "You can't have people food."

  In response, Sugarbear edged closer and held very still, gazing up at Diedre with soulful eyes. "Just one little piece," Diedre said, breaking a slice of bacon in half. The dog wagged all over.

  "It ain't good for her."

  "It's not good for me, either, if you want to get technical. But I'm going to eat it anyway."

  Vesta laughed, and Sugarbear, aware that she had won this round of the ongoing begging controversy, gulped down the bacon before Vesta had a chance to protest again.

  When the meal was finished, Diedre laid the tray aside and let Sugarbear lap up the remains from the china plates.

  "You know your Daddy don't like her doing that."

  Diedre shrugged. "What Daddy doesn't know won't kill him. Besides, it saves you time. Now you won't have to rinse everything before it goes in the dishwasher." She took a sip of coffee, leaned back, and sighed. Sugarbear settled on top of the blanket, as close to her human as she could possibly get. Absently Diedre stroked the dog's head. "You need a grooming, girl," she murmured. "Just look at that mustache, poking out in all directions."

  "She's going to Dapper Dogs for a bath and trim tomorrow morning," Vesta answered. "And if you ask me, you could do with a little sprucing up, too."

  "I haven't had time."

  "You haven't taken time, you mean." Vesta reached out a shaky hand and fondled a wayward curl behind Diedre's ear. "You ain't been out of this house in who knows how long. Miss Celia won't mind you takin' a little time to yourself."

  In exactly the same way Sugarbear nuzzled in to be petted, Diedre found herself leaning in to Vesta's touch on her neck. For a moment, just a heartbeat, she became a little girl again, recalling what it felt like to be safe and comforted, free of the anxieties of adult life. Then she sat up and ran a hand through her unruly hair. "You don't like my hairdo?"

  Vesta chuckled and tugged on the curl. "I think you could use a new cut." Her smile faded, and her dark eyes went sad. "I can take care of your mama, honey. You don't have to be here twenty-four hours a day. Why don't you go down to Asheville, buy a birthday present for yourself, maybe have lunch with your little friend Carlene?"

  Diedre smiled inwardly at Vesta's description of Carlene as "her little friend." Nothing about Carlene Donovan could justifiably be described as "little." A large, exuberant woman given to wearing purple and red and fuchsia, Carlene was the flamboyant,
extroverted yang to Diedre's subdued yin. She had been Diedre's best friend since undergraduate school, and they had remained close even while Diedre was at Duke pursuing her master's. For the past five years Carlene had taken it as her personal mission in life to teach Diedre how to dream big. She had almost succeeded.

  Carlene's most recent dream—and, by extension, Diedre's—was to open a shop in Biltmore Village. A boutique called Mountain Arts, dedicated to featuring the work of local painters and sculptors. Now that Diedre had completed her education, she and Carlene were ready to begin the process of opening the shop. Their plan was to be equal partners in the venture—Carlene would run the shop and do most of the buying, while Diedre, who had put up most of the money for the place, would pursue freelance photography and display and sell her prints. It would be an instant success, Diedre was certain—if for no other reason than the compelling force of Carlene's personality.

  They had gone as far as making an offer to purchase a storefront a block down from Holy Trinity Cathedral, and during her last semester of grad school, Diedre had begun to do Internet searches for a house of her own. But when Mama's cancer had returned, Diedre had put the dream on hold and come home to Heartspring, leaving Carlene to do the legwork in Asheville.

  For a minute or two Diedre let herself revel in the idea of spending the day in Asheville. It was a beautiful spring morning, and she desperately longed to get away—to sit with Carlene on the terrace at La Paz, their favorite Mexican restaurant, soaking in the sunshine and the ambiance of Biltmore Village. But she couldn't. Given her mother's condition, it was out of the question.

  "Why don't you call Carlene and make a day of it?" Vesta prompted.

  "You know I hate shopping," Diedre hedged. It was the truth, but only part of the truth. How could she say to Vesta what she could barely admit to herself? Mama was still sick. Diedre's life was still in limbo. The burden of responsibility still circled over her like a vulture waiting for its prey to drop. A shopping spree, a new haircut, or a lunch with Carlene wasn't going to change anything.

  Coming home had been the right thing to do, Diedre was certain of that. But after four years of college and two years of grad school, living under her parents' roof again had engendered a kind of schizophrenic division in her, a languishing of soul she could neither overcome nor control. She could no longer be who she perceived herself to be—an independent woman of twenty-five, with two university degrees and a bright future ahead of her. Instead, she had by sheer force of will taken on the roles of both parent and child. Her mother now depended upon her, and once again her father's overbearing protectiveness threatened to smother her.